Without Pretense

Let each time dwindle my days as your shadow passes every moment that I live….
Let my fear hide from your passing shadow and let me not see you
Let me not listen to those footsteps that crave me to follow.
Make me heedless rather leave me deaf
For my bleeding heart had become jaded and my weeping eyes implore me to rest.
I importune for acceptance… acceptance that never was.
I loathe being ignored… but often I was.
I wish to befriend you… yet I fear that I might not befit.
And these fulminates me and makes me feel too small to become.
I summon your generosity to approach me… but I don’t tell you this.
I let myself be tenacious to be immune from the breath that shares a part of me.
I immolate myself for good sake…
I convey my cross to Calvary with a smile
And half of this cross is yours; I let myself be deprived to let you know.
Leave me tongue-tied from the spell of truth that desires to vent.
Let me just grind my teeth for nothing
For if I would speak I might utter foolishness that’ll make me feel more fatuous within.
Let the wings of darkness reign over my melancholic hours.
Though my heart trembles and my nerves shake, let me not let you know.
For I cower to show you my weakness…
Because you might not understand why I pretend.
Let me ornate myself instead… for I don’t understand why it hurts to be real
And why the truth kills… why I have to live hither-to with a façade…
And why at times others don’t understand…
I could not dethrone the fear that reigns inside me…
I could not face veracity…
Let me stand therefore aloof from you…
For I quail to confront you without pretense.